no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
