Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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