Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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