he thought i was a dude.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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