Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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