it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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