I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
