I think my vagina is haunted
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
