I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
