You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
