is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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