I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
