you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
