Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
