your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
