How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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