Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
