Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
