We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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