Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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