The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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