Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
