I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
