You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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