Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
