I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
