so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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