Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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