I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
