I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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