No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
