I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
