i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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