Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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