I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I will be naked everywhere
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
