the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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