one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
