i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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