dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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