Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
