how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
