3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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