I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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