The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
