I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize