If i come over, it means nothing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
