I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
