guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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