That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
