Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
