dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
