I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
