I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
